Tides and uncertainty
Tides change twice daily here on Narragansett Bay with roughly 6 hours difference between the high and low tide. The height of the tide, measured in feet is determined by the phase of the moon and the moon’s proximity to the earth as it moves on its elliptical path. Tides can change 6 feet here; further north in Bay of Fundy, northern Maine and Canada, there can be as much as 40 feet. Docks have to be built with lots of flexibility there.
Flexibility is the theme of this bog, in the face of so much we cannot control. Currently I am very aware of all over which I am powerless.
I read about the suffering my Palestinian colleagues endure so stoically—the worse attack in 20 years.
Our broken health care system is disconcerting and all that does not work for many. However, I can greet each patient with caring and nurture the enthusiasm and curiosity of the next generation.
Closer to home, Reed struggles with sciatica. I can drive him to appointments, make suggestions about his medication routine, bring him ice and his meds in the AM before he gets up, but I can’t take away his discomfort or fear.
My Down Syndrome sister Fran, now 60, can control little in her life. She is wheelchair bound and can’t manage her own affairs. However, she spreads unconditional love and positive regard, and she loves to talk on the phone, so much so that it is a struggle for her to mind the time and that it is rude to phone people after 9 pm, which it is also her bedtime. Many nights 9 pm comes too early for her and sometimes she can be quite stubborn with the staff at her group home and family have learned not to answer her FaceTime calls if it is after 9.
My mom’s poor quality of life is excruciating to witness. Since her stroke 18 months ago she is unable to ambulate, use the toilet, or make good decisions about what she can and cannot do. We have hired nurses’ aides so she can stay in her assisted living room, but we cannot help her let go of her worries about Fran or the bouts of confusion where she is stranded in a basement or in the garage. Despite her discomfort and periods of confusion she still holds on and takes joy in life and tells us: “I’m not ready to die yet.”
Reed and I love our bay front home, but climate change means the water will claim the property someday. When we bought this former beach cottage rehabbed into a comfortable home last spring, we admitted to ourselves that this property would be underwater in 30 years, but we wouldn’t be here then, so carpe diem! We enjoy the breathtaking sunrises and beach walks.
However, two storms in the last month suggest that climate change may be happening sooner than we think and scientists predict. The timing of high winds with the new moon and lots of rain and wind brought the bay into our yard on Christmas eve, breaking fence posts, and about ten feet away from our fence this week. Alas...
What we can and cannot control. The answer is much less than we like to admit.
And the pain and anguish it causes until we/I can find that place in ourselves/myself that can face the uncertainty of it all with faith that we/I will find and be given the strength to manage what comes, the hope that we/I have the friends to help us/me and can cherish the small joys of every day.